One of my favorite stories from John Maxwell describes a conversation his father, Melvin Maxwell, had with another person. This other person asked Melvin what he thought of a mutual acquaintance. Melvin responded with kind words and much respect towards this acquaintance. However, the enquirer then countered with, “Well, you should have heard what he said about you. Do you still feel the same way?” At this point, Melvin responded, “Yes I do.” This other person was perplexed by Melvin’s reaction. However, Melvin explained to him, “You asked me what I thought of him, not what he thought of me.”
When I first heard this story, I was both challenged and convicted. I was convicted because (especially at that time in my life) I was not made of the same stuff as Melvin (and John) Maxwell. However, I was also challenged because I so wanted to be like that. I wanted to have that same kind of self-confidence, integrity, courage, and, most all, that same kind of love for my fellow man no matter what he/she thinks of me.
Even though our country is more divided and more polarized than I can ever remember, I’m sure we can all agree that…uh…well, that we’re more divided and more polarized than anyone can remember. In fact, this might be the only thing that we can all agree on. Never have I seen such hate and vitriol as I have seen in this past year. There’s a call for unity. However, that call is really a demand to “come over to my side and then we can get along.” And if you won’t come over to my side, it’s because, “You’re hater, a racist, a bigot, a communist, a socialist, a terrorist, or a Nazi, or because you’re brainwashed.” In other words, “You’re so evil (or so deceived) that you should just shut up!” “Why should anyone listen to you, when you’re so evil?“
Is there any hope for us? Actually, there is. However, it means that we are going to have to change our thinking about an assumption that has been ingrained in us for a very long time now.
The fact is many of us (if not most of us) are shackled by a lie. And until we are set free from that lie, we are incapable of escaping the hate and choosing love. Jesus said, “…the truth will set you free” (John 8:32). This statement was a promise to those listening (and all those who would come after and heed Jesus’ words) that if they embraced both Jesus and His teaching – “the truth” – freedom would be the result. Of course, the opposite is true as well. If we don’t know the truth, believe the truth, and embrace the truth, we will remain captives to a lie(s).
So what’s the particular lie behind the hate in America and which is keeping so many of us at each other’s throats and incapable of finding any kind of unity whatsoever. It’s this: that love is agreement.
In other words, if I don’t agree with you, then I don’t love you. Is that true? Is that what love is? The Bible declares emphatically that “God is love” (1 John 4:8). If God is love, is that the way He is with us? Does He withhold His love until we can agree with Him or He agrees with us? Of course not. It’s true that God does want us to agree with Him (which is what repentance actually is – not to feel sorry for our sins, but to “change our thinking” and align it with God’s thinking, God’s Word, and God’s will). However, before we ever did a single thing that could be described as “lovable,” God loved us lavishly, absolutely, and perfectly.
“…God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8
I’ve been walking with Jesus now for over forty years now and I have no delusions that God agrees with everything I do, everything I say, and everything I think (though I am trying to become more like Him every day). However, I know that He loves me perfectly. In fact, He has always loved me this way! “Perfect” means that His love cannot improve for me as it’s already maxed out. There’s nothing I could ever do that could increase His love for me; it can’t get better when it’s already best. Furthermore, His love will for me will never lessen either, no matter how badly I screw up. This is what love truly looks like.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
You know what this means? This means that we don’t have to agree either in order to love one another. We can disagree with each other’s opinions, politics, conclusions, lifestyles, choices, religions, etc. and still love one another. We can still value one another. And we can even be friends (and without being traitors to our causes). This is totally possible, if we truly love one another. However, I will admit that I failed miserably at “loving my enemy” until the Holy Spirit took up residence in me. And this makes sense to me. After all, God is perfect at loving and He lives within me.
Maybe you disagree with me. Maybe you think what I’ve written is ridiculous, naïve, and/or an oversimplification. Maybe you think I’m simply justifying my own disagreement with behaviors that the Bible labels as “sin.” Maybe you think that, as a follower of Jesus, I’m obviously a hater, or brainwashed, or close-minded. Maybe you even hate me for being a follower of Jesus or disagreeing with you. I cannot agree with you if it means disagreeing with God (who are we, mere clay, to sit in judgment of the Potter and judge Him by our own, and so limited, understanding?). I may not understand everything my Lord does (or doesn’t do). However, I trust Him and I know He loves me.
I know He loves you too…perfectly! He loves you even if you disagree with Him. He loves you even if you believe He doesn’t exist. He loves you even if you hate Him. And because He loves you so much and deems you worth dying for, I choose to love you too. And if you think of me as your enemy because of my allegiance to God and what I believe, know this: I want us to be friends.
Thank you for taking the time, my friend, to read my blog and considering what I’ve written.
Mel